Explain to your 10 yr old and 8yr old that their great-grandmother has Alzheimer's? I have known for the last 2 years that the woman who has been the sunshine on my shoulders for my 33 years has steadily gotten worse. It began with asking me the same questions in conversation, but today was rough. My grandmother did not know who my boys were. My eldest held it until we were pulling out of the driveway, and with tears in his voice asked me "Dad, why didn't Mamaw Lizey know who I was?". How do you explain that to a youngster when you yourself honestly can't figure out the disease/cure?. With tears in my voice, I did my best. A huge part of my mamaw died Feb 13, 1991 when my dad was killed. More died October 26, 2003 when my papaw, her husband of 57 years passed away. In many ways, when she's gone, I will rejoice knowing she has loved the Lord for over 80 years, and is with dad and papaw, that she will have her dignity back. My mamaw has always been a proud, strong woman, and it is painful seeing her having to rely on us to help her do the things like bathe. She told me awhile back ago that it is a sad state when your grandson has to change your diaper. I had to use alot of restraint to keep the tears in and turn it into "Just paying you back a little for some of mine that you changed when I was a little fart". That got her laughing, a memory that I will never forget. It hurts when she calls me Curtis (my dad's name). My brothers Nikolas and Cale look like dad, but other than the blue eyes, I look like the Mullis clan (my mom's folks). When I was growing up in the war zone that mom and dad's hellish divorce created, my mamaw was my strength, my rock, my refuge, the glue that held me together. I would be dead were it not for her. My brothers, cousins, and a host of friends and kinfolk will tell you in a heartbeat the same thing. So many folks call her mamaw (she raised all kinds of "strays"). I know that I will have to be strong the day that I lose her for my sons and family, but I know that on that day that the last piece of my dad that I had will be gone, and in the quiet hours, I will really need God and Lis to help me endure the loss. My mamaw is 86-has seen alot, lived a good life surrounded by her childen, grandkids, great-grandkids, and even a few great-great grandkids. It's just going to be hard to let her go. I have many faults, but everything that is good about me, I got from her. She instilled a deep sense of right/wrong in me, as well as responsibility. Have I always did the right thing? Absolutely not, but even in wrong, I have always stepped up to the plate, admitted my wrong, accepted the consequenses, been a man (she taught me that). Many times I have disappointed her (my drugs, booze days). I also made her proud when I got my act together and cleaned up (ended a line from papaw to dad to me and my brothers of hard livers and hard-drinkers). She begged me the day that we buried my dad "Son, please don't make me spend the rest of my life worrying about you the way that I worried about your dad and papaw. Promise me". Promise kept.
I pray that there will come a day when the cure for Alzheimer's comes. This disease is a gut-wrenching one.